I Moose Be Dreaming

C.J. Adams can best be described as a happily unemployed 20-something. Now, he is not really unemployed, he just does not have a typical, boring cubicle framed hell as a job. He has multiple income sources and likes it that way. Born and raised in the South, he has a passion for Sweet Tea, seersucker, and peanut butter. Here you will find insights and opinions of a man on a mission...a mission to astound you. Thoughts on life, love, hopscotch, rubix cubes, and mimes will be included. Enough with the third person....Lastly, I have an incredible life, full of amazing family and friends. I moose be dreaming....

I ate a green thing….and I didn’t dislike it.

I am a carnivore.  Seriously.  I eat things that have been walking around and swimming around….that’s about it.  I don’t eat vegetables, pasta, rice, and most foods that normal humans do.  I simply eat meat.  

You think I’m exaggerating?  Let me tell you a story, friend.  When I was approximately 9 years of age, my mother tried to make me eat a pea.  A single pea.  Being the stubborn child that I was, I put the pea into mouth for ten minutes without chewing or swallowing it.  It just sat there.  Finally, my mother let me spit it out, and that was the last time that anything green got near my mouth….until today.

My dear friend, Alexandra Stone, whose family owns Stone Hollow Farmstead and The Pantry, has been trying to get me to drink a juice for about a year.  When I say juice, I don’t mean something delicious like orange juice.  I mean something strange and green like kale, lettuce, and dirt.  

Today, I finally gave in and tried multiple juices.  I honestly don’t have anything negative to say about any of them.  The Detox 1 (pineapple, green apple, coconut water, and mint) was incredibly delicious.  I even tried the Organic and Vibrant 1 (romaine hearts, celery, apple, kale, and lemon), and I didn’t dislike it.  

Am I going to give up my carnivore ways?  Of course not, but I am certainly open to consuming more greens.  Apparently, green things are supposed to be good for you…

It’s amazing what a beautiful girl can convince me to do.

Would it be too forward to me to lay in your arms?

**Discaimer: I am not Asian, and she did not look like this.**

Once upon a time, I was at a bar.  If this comes as a surprise to you, we obviously have not met.  Anyway, I was watching a basketball game with some friends, when a woman that was at least 6 inches taller than me walked up and started conversation.

Tall Woman: There’s a weird Mormon guy that keeps talking to me.  Act like you know me.

C.J.: Ummmm okay?

After a few minutes of her jabbering, she left and went back to the Mormon, only to bring the Mormon back to meet us.  He didn’t stick around long after that.  Tall Woman then proceeded to take a seat next to me and talk my ear off.  I paid her no attention, which was obviously the wrong play on my part, as it just encouraged her to try harder.  Eventually this occurred:

Tall Woman: Will you go outside with me?

C.J.: No.

Tall Woman: Please just go outside with me.

C.J.: No.  I’m watching the game.

Tall Woman: Let’s go outside.

C.J.: Damn it.  Fine.

So, we went outside.  While we were out there, she told me about how her apartment was really close and other super interesting facts about herself.  The final straw was when the following happened:

Tall Woman: Would it be too forward of me to lay in your arms?

C.J.: That sounds like an absolutely terrible idea.

Tall Woman: WHY???

C.J.: Because we are in the middle of a bar, and I don’t want you to lay in my arms.

I then walked away and went back inside.  Tall Woman was not deterred, though.  She kept hinting for me to pay her tab and leave with her.  I eventually paid my tab and left her there with my friend.

In closing, yes, it would definitely be too forward of you to lay in my arms, Tall Woman.

Life of a Slum Lord

In case you haven’t heard, I am a slum lord.  When you google ”slum lord,” this is the first image that pops up:

This is not me….at all.


As a slum lord, I get to have the distinct pleasure of dealing with some of the most entertaining, idiotic individuals in the world.  The stories I have are numerous, and if you would like to hear them all, you will have to take me to dinner.  (I prefer a high class establishment, so that I can tout my slumlord-ness).

For those of you who have no intention of taking me to dinner, I guess I’ll share one of my favorites stories on this here interweb.

A couple of months ago, on a Monday morning, a woman came into my office, and we had the following conversation 

Woman: I had a cat jump out of my oven yesterday.

C.J.: You have my attention.

Woman: Well, I was sitting on my couch watching TV, and I heard my oven rattling.  So, I got up and opened my oven.  OUT POPPED A BLACK CAT!

C.J.: A cat?  A live cat?

Woman: Yep.  So, I called the police.

C.J.: Is there something you would like me to do about this?

Woman: No. I just wanted to let you know.

C.J.: Super!  Have a wonderful day.

This is my life.  I am a slum lord.

Awkward Date Number 576

In case you haven’t had the distinct pleasure of meeting me, I fancy myself to be a strapping gentleman, who would be quite a catch for any number of lucky ladies.  What separates me from all of the other 20-somethings in the great state of Alabama, however, is that I have no desire to settle down any time soon.  This typically does not sit well with females, who have it in their mind that if they are not married by the ripe old age of 23, they are destined to be an old maid.  

But alas, I digress…..

A few months back, I met a lovely lady (let’s call her Sally) at a bar that I happen to be a frequent patron of.  At that point in my life, I was going through one of my “non-drinking phases” and happened to mention that fact to Sally.  

A few days later, I called and asked Sally if she would like to grab a drink with me.  Thankfully, she obliged.  Upon telling my friends that I was going to have drinks with Sally, every single one of them brought up an interesting point: I don’t drink, yet I asked a girl out for drinks.  

With that, I had a predicament.  Option A was that I could make Sally drink alone, while I sipped on a refreshing ice water, which would have been incredibly awkward.  Option B was that I could have a drink and hope that she didn’t remember my whole “non-drinking phase.”   

I went with Option B.  

The ensuing conversation was quite predictable:

Sally: “I thought you said you didn’t drink.”

C.J.: “Ummmmmm…..I uhhhhhh……so how about that weather?”

Needless to say, we didn’t have a second date.

He’s back….

Friends, family, gentlemen, and gentlewomen!

It is with great excitement that I announce my return to the land of blogging.  After a prolonged hiatus filled with all sorts of lackluster activities, I’m back in the saddle again.  After all, I can only watch so many episodes of Saved By The Bell and Dawson’s Creek.  

In the coming days, weeks, months, years, and decades, you can expect stories that are sure to keep you anything but entertained.  But, alas, I plead with you to read anyway.  Do you really have anything better to do?  Exactly.

With that, here’s to me and my return to being a daily form of entertainment for you and yours!

Oldest One in the Room….

Over the weekend, I went to a sorority formal.  Yep, you read that right.  I, C.J. Adams attended a sorority formal.  Feel free to laugh.  I observed a myriad of things, though, in this experience:

1. College guys don’t know what a tuxedo is.  Seeing what these guys threw together to create a faux-tux was quite amusing.  I saw quite a few basic dress shirts with tuxedos.  I also saw quite a few gray suits with the addition of a cummerbund and bow tie.  Step it up, fellas.

2. Bus rides with college students are cruel and unusual form of torture.  I was required to ride a bus to the formal.  As such, I got to hear a drunk sorority girl scream over the bus microphone for 45 minutes.  She tried to get us to do cheers and to sing.  I kid you not.  Forget Guantanamo….make the terrorists ride on a bus with that girl.

3. Having a friend chaperone you is kind of awkward.  When I arrived at the bus, it turned out that one of my friends was the chaperone.  She laughed.  I laughed.  Then, she searched me for booze.  Welcome to life.

4. Most people don’t get my humor.  I thought it would be funny to not smile in a single picture.  So, there are a lot of pictures of my date and me in which I either look creepy or I am dancing around.  Nobody else thought that this was nearly as funny as I did….

5. I can still have fun at sorority formals.  I had a damn good time because I had an incredible date.  We danced the night away.  We made fun of people.  We had fun.  I need more nights like that.

The Dentist….

I have to go to the dentist today for my regular check-up.  As I prepare myself for this hellish experience, I wonder if there is anyone that actually enjoys going to the dentist.  My guess is no; there is no way that someone could like such an unfortunate experience.  

Then again, I enjoy things that many people dislike greatly….like mornings.  So, maybe there is someone out there that enjoys dentist appointments like I enjoy mornings.  If you are one of these people or you know a person that fits this description, please have them call me as soon as possible.  I have many questions for such a person.

Friday Five

1. Favorite Kardashian Divorce Tweet: 

2. Favorite Blog Post: Occupy Opportunity by Matt Cheuvront….Matt is a fellow alumnus of the esteemed Belmont University.  Other than Brad Paisley, Josh Turner, and that dude from the movie, The New Guy, he is the most famous alumnus.  His thoughts on the Occupy Wall Street movement are spot on.  Check it out, kids.

3. Favorite Contest: Wamjo Calendar Contest….This is shameless self promotion, but this is my blog so deal with it.  Wamjo is having a calendar contest at Mississippi State.  To vote for your favorite girl, check out our Facebook page.  The response we have gotten has been absolutely incredible.  

4. Favorite Picture: I love autumn.


5. Favorite Quote: Never be afraid to raise your voice for honesty and truth and compassion against injustice and lying and greed. If people all over the world…would do this, it would change the earth. -William Faulkner

Ole Miss Bound

Tomorrow I’ll be in Oxford hanging out at Ole Miss all day pimping Wamjo.  I’ll be outside of the Student Center, trying to get people’s attention.  I’m thinking of learning a break dance routine….opinions?

Anyway, if you or anyone you know go to Ole Miss and want to laugh, stop on by….I’ll be the guy asking folks if they want to wamjo with me.

By the way, really hoping I see a Rebel Black Bear.